The idea of "Love"

Do we deserve love?
There are so many things I absolutely LOATH about myself, so so so many. The reality is that I do not think I deserve love because there are so many things wrong with me. There is pain, such pain. God, fill the spaces please. I don't want to go on. I don't care. So emo I know, at least I can laugh.
I really do believe there is perfect out there, I just don't think it is a reality for me. How the fuck are you supposed to respond when people who are "loved" blatantly treat you like shit. You were a bloody stranger, why the hell were you so mean? Such anger, such anger. Such pain. I don't want to be dramatic, this is just the "reality" I'm in.
What now?
Brittney had such truth, love and affirmation to speak at dinner... Shauna had such affirmation and truth and encouragement... Why can't that be my truth? Why can't that be my life? Why is God not enough? How do I make Him enough?
Bitter and hurt...