So many transitions, so much to process

As my Junior year of college truly comes to a close, I have so so so much to process.
It started with Walkabout.
RA training.
Starting the school year in the mods.
Meeting residents.
figuring how to be an RA and have friends.
Turning 21.
Trying to stay about water with a crazy academic load.
Christmas break with my family.
Running for President.
Losing the election.
Getting a new RD
Applying for Admissions intern, Student life intern and SUPP.
Gettring rejected from all 3.
Applying for Rez life intern and getting it.
Pushing through the rest of the year.
Saying goodbye.
Not being an RA anymore.
And these are just SOME of the parts...
The reality is that I need to become better at remembering the joy, the love and the true caring others have for me. I hope I can create an affirmation journal in which everytime I felt something good, great, or grand, I can write it down and remember the great moments with great people.

So much to transition into.

No other choice but to just do it.

That's all for today, I have a lot of fun life to be living!

I guess there is more to get out

I don't want this to turn into some terrible negative blog, but I truly feel like shit. I really am unhappy and ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just venting I guess. If you are reading this, forgive me. I  needed to let out a little steam.

The idea of "Love"

Do we deserve love?
There are so many things I absolutely LOATH about myself, so so so many. The reality is that I do not think I deserve love because there are so many things wrong with me. There is pain, such pain. God, fill the spaces please. I don't want to go on. I don't care. So emo I know, at least I can laugh.
I really do believe there is perfect out there, I just don't think it is a reality for me. How the fuck are you supposed to respond when people who are "loved" blatantly treat you like shit. You were a bloody stranger, why the hell were you so mean? Such anger, such anger. Such pain. I don't want to be dramatic, this is just the "reality" I'm in.
What now?
Brittney had such truth, love and affirmation to speak at dinner... Shauna had such affirmation and truth and encouragement... Why can't that be my truth? Why can't that be my life? Why is God not enough? How do I make Him enough?
Bitter and hurt...

Rush knows...

Today I was listening to Rush Limbaugh and he was talking about how people get passionate about issue like global warming because they are searching for meaning and something to be a part of. He said that people only feel validated when they get a TV show or become Kim K.
OMG. He is so so so so so so so on point, as usual!
Rush knows what's up! This is def something I have been processing through as of late, and it was good to hear it from someone else!
Obviously this is a reality, but in my heart of hearts this is my desire, so what do I do with that?
Still more to figure out I guess...