Reflections

As it can be examined from yesterdays emotional explosioin, I am in an interesting state right now... No sure what else to say... I'm still riding this wave. More details to come, as soon as they are realized.

When you are down to nothing, God is up to something...

The reality is, whether we believe that or not, we must. Because our only strength, our only hope, and our only true love is going to come from Him.
I don't know if this is 100% true or not. I really really really really really really really do want to feel this 120%, but I don't. So I will wake up, continually thanking God for another breath, and try to figure out as much  I can, expecting God to be in control.

Well after that last emo post, I do feel a bit better. Between releasing all those emotions as well as listening to a little Avril Lavigne I do feel a little better.

The realities in that last post are still my realities. I pray that God would bring peace into those areas. I metaphorically see that as an extremely dry dessert that is longing for the wonderful hydration of rain. So dusty and dry, and hoping God will rain/rein down.

That's all for now.
Let's see what is being thought later.

A question to think about... A beautiful mess or just a mess?

Does love exist? Is this something we make? Is this something we create? Or is this something we imagine? Love can't be seen, felt or examined. We think we feel love or see love etc, but do we? Or is this just a coping mechanism we have taken up in order to feel less empty?

God loves us, but is there any other love in this world? Maybe this is just the anit-depresants talking, lol apperantly in a negative way, but what the hell is love?
I think it is something sentationalized, I think it's something we create to fill an empty space. What happens if you can't fill that space? You expect God to fill it but yet the emptiness is still there, so now what?
We write bools on hearing God, and feeling God, and experiencing God, but what if we never do?
Granted I am only 21.56 years old, and it would appear I have about 60 or so years left on earth, but what is there to explain this emptiness.
I sat at the Last Bash event by myself. Freaking out that people would see me at a social event by myself. The reality is that people do recognize me, post running for prez. I guess that's the mess I created when I decided to run for something I maybe shouldn't have... Coming in fifth place and only recieving 154 votes in a school of almost 6000 undergrads sucks. Maybe I haven't accepted that pain yet...
I think to moments like off getting out of the van at Soqual Ranch at the end of walkabout. I literally started tearing up due to the fact that people were so excited for me, so proud of me, and so truly wanted to celebrate with me.
And both times the Argentines left at the end of SUPP, literally balling on my shoulders. Wet shoulders, that is a wonderful feeling. How can there be such intensly loving moments like this in life and others that just feel so incredibly lonely. So so so lonely.
God is in these moments, but what is there for me to learn in these moments? That I am strong enough to be on my own? That God is what should be filling me up? That I am being dramatic and I need to calm down? Maybe all these things...

The reality is that it is the last Friday night of the school year and I am literally sitting alone in my mod writting this and listening to sad songs to try and cry to just get it out and move on.

"I've heard it said that people come into your life for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them, and we help them in return."

So now what. My parents have already dropped $120,000 for me to be here and I sit here alone on the LAST friday night of the school year.
Guilt is obviously apart of this, like I failed them. I don't know how to, well I'm not sure.

Obviously this is rambeling.
Pride comes before the fall. So now what?

No matter how much you try, your iPhone will never be your actual friend.

I have been thinking about that a lot lately.
That's the reality...

So much optimisim to so much

After reading blogs from a meere 14 hours ago, the invitation sent out has apperatnly made it into the hands of the post office.
Why you ask? Excellent question. The reality is that I must have been on some kind of Carpe Dieum high or something, because I literally have not idea who that Jeffrey was blogging.

So now what? Another excellent question. I guess we somewhat wait, to see.
But how long?

Love goes nowhere uninvited

Love is not a thing in which I should wait for, love is something I think I have to search for... Do I?
Well at 21.55 years old, I think I actually need to ask a girl out. Yest there are insecurities, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

The best fortune cookie fortune I ever got said; Love goes nowhere uninvited.

Dear Love,

You are formally invited to be a part of this life.
Please don't screw me over too bad.
Please RSVP to Jeffrey ASAP  by May 8, 2012.

Can't wait to see you soon!

-Jeffrey

Confession: This is Julia Child's Fault...

The reality is that I LOVE LOVE LOVE the movie "Julie and Julia" and thus that blogging and the frequent re-watching of that movie I do has inspired me to do this.

Needed to share that...

So Darlings...

So Darlings,

I decided to start this blog in order to post. Post what I really think. You are prob reading this and saying that tool already says what he is thinking, so false. I am so much worse than you know.
This isn't going to by a cynical thing, just a though release thing.
I hope you'll read and possibly respond.

Love and Kisses,

Jeffrey